INVITING THE END

Death, be kind. Come knocking at my door. Come fast, be sure, and leave no mess.
For all the times I laughed, when others cried. For all the times I smirked when I heard of the misfortunes of others.
For all the times I stood by, and watched my handiwork wreck other lives.
For all the times I tore hearts out and stamped on them, drummed my fingers as screams rent the air and whistled as sobs and sighs lent the rhythm.
For all the times I played with sentiments and emotions and feelings and trust – things given to me without any expectation, other than that I keep them safe, treasure them, and exalt in them.
For all the bodily and mental hurt I have left in my wake, as I stumbled and rampaged through life.
I’ve gone too far. Done too much harm -- Irreversible harm.
All that was asked of me, was that I make room for some others in my life. All that was expected of me, was unconditional love. All that was desired of me was that I sympathize, empathize, and lend a shoulder when required. All I did, was add to the pain.
Enough.
No more.
Such a failure has no place on this earth.Death, be kind. Come knocking at my door. Come fast, be sure, and leave no mess, if it please you.

BLACK...

Hello, darkness…. Old friend. Banished once, but persistent in your desire to weld yourself to my life.
How long will you stay this time?
Till I turn you out again?
Till you find yourself so indelibly imprinted on my soul that there’s no light left to blot out?
Till you decide to make way for the light?
Or have you learnt from your past error, and decided not to bow out at the brilliance you encountered a few months ago?
Did you miss me so?
Really?
Why?
Was there no one else who could please and satiate you more?
Why are you silent and brooding? Or is that just your nature… a nature I knew so well, but have forgotten in recent times?
You’ve begun your work I see… The light that once beckoned at the end of the tunnel dims. The shadows grow longer, and the tunnel elongates itself, reveling in your company.
For a few days now, I’ve felt you trying to claw yourself back into my life, my soul. Congratulations.
Your persistence is awe-inspiring. Your efforts have not been futile after all.
I grow resigned to your presence. You grow stronger.
Run your course. I doubt there’s much time left. So be quick.
But promise me you’ll torment only me. Let your vengeance be appeased with me. Do not turn to the source of the brilliance that once ran you out of my life. It was pure. It was good. It is so, and does not deserve you.
My life, as you well know, has been lived on the run. A month premature when I entered this world; 6 months to begin mouthing words; 10 minutes to pick up a dog; half-a-day to find my dog a home; 2 days to decide on a career; 6 months to climb up the ladder; A day to shift houses every time… the clock is ticking. There’s not much time left. Do your worst…. Your best.